One tried and true method of creating something special at your wedding is to write your own wedding vows. I can’t begin to explain how wonderful it is to hear something that came from the couple, who took the time to put into words how they feel about each other and the promises they are willing to make. Mandi Neiser from Married by Mandi is a wonderful minister based out of Hamilton that I’ve had the pleasure working with and getting to know over many years. I want to encourage couples to take the time to write their vows and give them a solid starting point to which I can direct them to start. Here are some wonderful tips to writing your own wedding vows directly from Mandi.
PINAs a minister, I have the honour and privilege of being involved in what I consider to be the best part of every wedding; the ceremony! The ceremony no matter how lavish or conservative, is a large piece of the wedding day puzzle; a piece where each couple has the opportunity to capture the essence of who they are as individuals and together as a couple. This unique blending can be reflected in every little detail from the venue they choose, to the colour theme, to the words that are spoken at the altar; words spoken by me (their minister) and of course the vows they will say to each other that will set the tone for the rest of their relationship.
I love it when a couple chooses to write their own vows. And I mean write them, not copy them from the internet or cut and paste from the selections I provide for them in their confirmation package. Even though a couple sometimes feels nervous and scared to ‘take on’ this task, to me, it’s another way of showing that this part of their wedding day is very important to them.
Over the years, I’ve heard some of the most beautiful and heartfelt words from both brides and grooms. I especially love it when I meet a couple and the groom comes off as a little aloof or kind of that ‘tough guy’ image. These are the types of guys who I know are going to need tissues during the ceremony! They are always the ones who fall apart at the seams at the altar while waiting for their partner to arrive beyond the closed door, and the one who loses his composure when looking into the eyes of his partner while saying the words that come straight from his heart (I give him a tissue pretending it’s going to be for his partner, when I know he is the one who’s going to need it!)
So how does a couple write their own vows? I would have to say that repeating vows is the most popular choice, and even though I have no data to back this up, through my own experience I feel that 30% of couples are simply too lazy to write their own vows, 40% are too nervous to do anything but repeat after me (mainly because they think if they write their own vows they’ll have to memorize them, which is never a good idea!), leaving 30% who are excited to sit down and come up with the words that mirror their feelings of love and commitment to each other.
To me, composing ones vows is like writing a Disney movie. You need a sprinkle of heartfelt thoughts, a pinch of emotion and of course a dash of humour; especially if you think you’re going to ‘lose it’ while saying them, so you can lighten the mood.
Here is my tried and true formula for writing personalized wedding vows:
- First and foremost, do not leave this until the eleventh hour! Writing your own vows is going to take some serious thought and time to get your ideas from your head to the paper. Let it percolate in your mind for a bit before committing to the finished product. I suggest getting a little note book, or I guess in today’s world, using the notes app on your phone or laptop. I like the notebook idea because I do my best thinking when I am driving in the car. If I have it close to me with a pen, I can always jot things down when I am stuck in traffic, or when I’ve pulled into a parking lot.
- Besides taking notes on the fly, actually plan out some time in your calendar to go sit in a park, or at a coffee shop or some place where you feel you won’t be distracted for about 30 – 60 minutes. Truly allow yourself to connect with your heart and just think about all the words that come to your mind when you reflect on your relationship. Take yourself back to the first moment you met, and continue through the moments in between that have led up to this one. Take note of the words that come to mind to describe the love of your life and any examples of why they have meaning.
- Think of endings to this sentence to begin your vows: You are my…..confidante, companion, teacher, partner, teammate, lover, friend, partner in crime, dance partner, etc.
- Think of all the things you are willing to promise your partner. For example: From this day forward I promise to……stand by your side, honour you, listen to you not just hear you, nurture you, cheer for (Name of Sports team), believe in your, cherish you, respect you, help you, make you laugh, wash your car, shovel the driveway, bring you soup when you’re sick, wipe your tears, love you unconditionally, accept you for who you are, be your biggest cheerleader, be faithful to you, etc.
- Think of when you will make the above promises. For example: When it’s hard, when it would be easier to walk away, when it’s easy and hard, when we would rather quit, as we become old and grey, forever and ever, until the end of time, until death do us part, as we grow older and change for the better, when we are happy and when we’re afraid.
- And finally, add something very personal that doesn’t fit the framework of anything above. Here is a snippet of an example of what I mean: “Pamela…I promise you in sickness and in health, that I will take care of you, even when you’ve had too many glasses of wine and you can’t get your head off the pillow on Sunday forcing me to clean the house. I promise that for richer or for poorer, I will not to spend all of our savings at Home Depot during their seasonal sales, and I will check with you before blowing our budget on lottery tickets…even when the jackpot is over $50 million dollars.”
I hope this gives you a clearer idea, and some hope that you too can write your own vows! I think as long as you keep yourself and your personality at the forefront of your mind, and you don’t leave it until the last minute, I am confident you will be able to create your own little masterpiece; something that will be remembered by your guests and your fiancé for years to come!
Rev. Mandi Neiser
If you’re looking for a minister for your upcoming wedding, please reach out to Mandi through her website www.MarriedByMandi.ca
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